Updated: Jan 20, 2021
The hardest pill to swallow is the one on your nightstand; a bottle of unrealistic expectations that put everyone on a pedestal, but yourself. Labeled “just something about the human condition.” We’ve all been watering a few dead plants in our life, relationships we are keen to hold on to, even though they don't want to be held.
There’s a psychological claim that infants form attachments with those who accurately respond to their needs, not those they spend most of their time with. It’s striking to observe the same phenomenon pan out in adult world reality. Disappointments glisten from their seams every time yearlong friendships fall apart. Each time I see a relationship run its course, I remind myself of this same phenomenon; it’s never about the amount of time you spend together, for you can spend years getting to know someone yet end up not knowing enough. Sometimes, you stumble across people who accurately respond to your needs at that point in time while you respond to theirs, and you form an attachment. This too, over a course of time, straddles under the possibility of wearing out because our needs aren’t static, we are rapidly changing, and these changes aren’t always embraced with open arms. Have you ever felt like an expired version of yourself with someone?
Your current aura isn’t compatible with certain people from your past anymore because you outgrew your shell and they outgrew theirs. This realization often leaves people with a heavy heart and a stifling lump in their throat, how do you even talk about this? The truth is, most of us live in “self-serving” times where the silent treatment trumps our ability to be expressive and vocal. Time falls short, the clock keeps ticking, the deadlines rumbling, “I just can’t make time.” But honey it was never about time, to begin with.
Infants too, form not one but multiple attachments as they grow, also some detachments. And that’s okay, for the people who aren’t able to attend to the test of time, reside in our sweet old memory. Dead plants revive if the roots are intact, or they fossilize away to serve a better purpose and lead you to something better. I believe that the world is in fact, quite small, people you lose often find their way back to you, and detachments aren’t supposed to be bitter, they serve as reminders that it’s time to clear your heart. “Let the years we’re here, be kind.”