I loved to draw as a kid. I was not too excellent at it; the proportions would be a little off at times, but I still put up all the pictures on my bedroom's walls. It was easy to find magic in those days. I draw and paint much better now as an adult, but the creative flow demands a level of peace I have not yet achieved. It's only once I get ready for bed and notice that the walls remain empty while my head is swimming with ideas that I acknowledge the disparity.

There may come certain moments in your life where you find yourself at a standstill, an expanse of gray mist clouds the horizon; all your days start to meld together into one prolonged dull mundanity, and you find yourself asking the imminent question, is this truly all there is to me, or am I more than I've given myself the room to be? 

So many of us craft our lives and personas, catering to standards imposed by society, so that we may be deemed important and remain relevant in the current scheme of things. We constantly shed parts of ourselves throughout our lives, to adapt and encapsulate an ideal self, the acceptable packaged version that can be classified into the predefined boxes that have been laid out for us. 

Subconsciously or consciously, all of us have abandoned certain aspects of ourselves to fit in or to get ahead. In some ways, that was a good thing. Growth comes with change and giving up on certain habits, but it also includes the hobbies and leisure activities that were once cherished, that we rarely pick up now. We lost touch with that part of ourselves along the way of growing up. We are so adamant to succeed and keep up with the world, we have no choice but to forget ourselves as we climb uphill, and in doing so fades the curiosity that propelled us as kids to explore and learn about the world.

Children do not trifle themselves with appearing a certain way; it doesn’t take too much for them to find joy in the mundane. It's only once they start picking up the cues around them that they conform. We reminisce about childhood like it was magic, while we bar ourselves from seeking out the same magic in our everyday life. We think that curiosity is a luxury only the children may possess, and it rapidly fades into the crevices of our minds the moment we become the bearers of responsibility. 

So, to circle back to the initial question, and to expand on the premise, is one identity all there is to us, or are we more than just cogs in a machine that may as well keep running without us? Is there perhaps something else we owe to ourselves along this road we call life? Or are we holding it up like a badge of honour that we have no time to fill our own cups?

We live on autopilot, in survival mode, or because it’s become a force of habit and we subconsciously believe we cannot achieve those dreams we buried long ago while simultaneously upholding the archetype we need to present to the world.

Our identity is not set in stone; there is not one form of expression we must limit ourselves to. 

As Alan Watts said, “We are the universe experiencing itself.” 

Why don’t we allow ourselves to delve into the many aspects that piece together our identity? 

While repetition in routines offers a certain comfort, multifarious growth and tranquility only come from stepping out of the enclave and deciding to intentionally value yourself and everything you can offer. We are not meant to experience life’s intricacies by looking at it through one lens only. We’re here to explore the richness that versatility offers. There’s so many paths yet to traverse, only once you allow yourself to step out of your bubble. This world is too big to confine ourselves to one niche.

Perhaps, the sign comes in the form of an itch, a discontentment that lingers beneath the calm exterior of the surface. Or in the overwhelming rush of enthusiasm you feel every time you see someone create something that you want to do or you heavily resonate with?

It just has to be a glimmer of hope that could set you in motion, and follow the instincts you've long since inhibited. Start sports again, pick up your dusty old guitar, and finally learn how to play that thing, go on that hike you’ve been dreaming of with your friends.

The price for pursuing new or dormant talents is that you could fail, the first many times. But there’s no one to impress, you’re not monetizing - let it exist first. We like to dwell on the imagined aftermath of success rather than focusing on the skill at hand, because it’s easier to envision a future where you’re executing everything flawlessly. But we have to live in the world, not just in our heads. The crux is to relieve yourself of the pressure of being great immediately and return to your roots. Creativity and expression do not stem from a place of perfectionism; they come from boredom and observation. 

Take your identity as an ever-changing, complexly charged canvas, riveting and compelling despite the odds and ends that feel out of place to you. Every slash of paint seeps through and emboldens your soul. Live your life like it’s a quest, do the thing that makes you afraid, because in the end, it all gets called back to yourself.

Do not bring rigidity into your soul. Progress is your default, so embrace yourself as you’re already complete and do not define yourself by rules that limit your worldview. The key to living is to make life easier for yourself and those around you. Weather the storms, and stand your ground. You owe it to yourself to live your life to its authenticity.